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I'm typing this up because I need to; I don't expect any comments or anything because I don't expect people to read this. I know there are some who read my journals, but right now I don't even want this one read, I just need it out of me.
I'm tired... tired of trying to be around people and making them think I'm ok. I'm not ok, I haven't been for at least a week. It might be my period talking, I don't know, but I just want this finished.
School is over with... what now? I try looking for a job and nothing that I think I could do pops up. No one would hire me, anyway, that's already been proven by Walmart and Target. Why would anyone hire me? I wouldn't. If I had talent, that's one thing, but I don't. I don't create things, I just stick pictures together and save it. That isn't art, it's copyright. I take other people's pictures, that's all there is to it.
And don't even get me on my writing, if you can call it that. In the beginning I thought I enjoyed it, but the more I think of then and now I realize that maybe I didn't. Maybe I wrote because I needed something to do so I wouldn't go insane, so I wouldn't think on my life. The ideas that are supposedly mine are ones that I'm sure I've read about somewhere and it had been so long ago that I just thought they were mine.
Nothing I do is original. I'm like a bad copy of everyone around me trying to be as good as everyone else. I'm like the B-movie that no one watches because the plot was used in something WAY better already. Everything about me is mediocre. And I don't know how much longer I can live with knowing that.
I'm not going to kill myself if anyone is worried, I don't have the energy or the balls because I don't know what comes next. With the way things work for me I'd probably be made to roam this crummy place forever. God has turned His back on me, that I'm sure of. I can't blame Him, I don't do anything decent with my life or try and help others.
I'm not a good person, I don't think of others before myself, I mostly get annoyed with anyone not on the computer who wants to speak to me. Maybe the reason I don't have any friends here in town is because I don't deserve them. I keep looking at myself as the victim where as I probably did something wrong to them without even realizing it.
And I know this counts as whining, I'm not completely stupid, but I think it's the only thing I'm good at.
I'm tired... tired of trying to be around people and making them think I'm ok. I'm not ok, I haven't been for at least a week. It might be my period talking, I don't know, but I just want this finished.
School is over with... what now? I try looking for a job and nothing that I think I could do pops up. No one would hire me, anyway, that's already been proven by Walmart and Target. Why would anyone hire me? I wouldn't. If I had talent, that's one thing, but I don't. I don't create things, I just stick pictures together and save it. That isn't art, it's copyright. I take other people's pictures, that's all there is to it.
And don't even get me on my writing, if you can call it that. In the beginning I thought I enjoyed it, but the more I think of then and now I realize that maybe I didn't. Maybe I wrote because I needed something to do so I wouldn't go insane, so I wouldn't think on my life. The ideas that are supposedly mine are ones that I'm sure I've read about somewhere and it had been so long ago that I just thought they were mine.
Nothing I do is original. I'm like a bad copy of everyone around me trying to be as good as everyone else. I'm like the B-movie that no one watches because the plot was used in something WAY better already. Everything about me is mediocre. And I don't know how much longer I can live with knowing that.
I'm not going to kill myself if anyone is worried, I don't have the energy or the balls because I don't know what comes next. With the way things work for me I'd probably be made to roam this crummy place forever. God has turned His back on me, that I'm sure of. I can't blame Him, I don't do anything decent with my life or try and help others.
I'm not a good person, I don't think of others before myself, I mostly get annoyed with anyone not on the computer who wants to speak to me. Maybe the reason I don't have any friends here in town is because I don't deserve them. I keep looking at myself as the victim where as I probably did something wrong to them without even realizing it.
And I know this counts as whining, I'm not completely stupid, but I think it's the only thing I'm good at.
Devious Journal Entry
I was going to try and come up with a snarky title, but I decided not to. I know it's been two years since I've been here, at least that's when my last journal entry was dated. Since then, I've been on Tumblr posting my stories and whatnot, but it's just been recent that I've stopped. Not only did I not have the time, but I also didn't have anyone reading anything, so it was kind of pointless. I thought about bringing things here, but I haven't decided yet.
The past couple of years have been pretty bad for me and my family. We've lost animals and almost commited suicide, lost jobs and gotten deathly ill, and most recently my great grandmothe
This is what has been happening
Hey, I know it's been a while since I've done a journal but I figured this would be a good time to explain my last status post.
Yesterday was an all around bad day for me. First, I went to the college to get my ID badge and my books. Made my badge then went to get my books, but my name and number was wrong on my badge as well as the fact that I didn't have any financial aid to get the books. Headed back over to the other building to fix my badge, then headed to a building farther down to another building where I had to wait to see someone about the money situation. Finally get called into an office only to find out that I needed to fill some
Shirts
I've been thinking about do some Avenger drawings (like I did of Callista and Tom) and putting them on a shirt since this way I can't get caught for plagiarism or whatnot... would anyone still buy it if it looked like that? Maybe with my username on the bottom or back
Upcoming Things
Hi all, Rennerston here with some important information
1) Dat ass!!!
Ok, sorry, but really, I plan on having some things posted on here before Saturday, since mom is coming that day.
I have two winners who are owed a story and one who has earned a pic since they played my game and guessed correctly. Thank you, all four of you, who participated. It means a lot that you tried.
So first one I'll be posting is a Bucky x Reader which was asked by Pennet (https://www.deviantart.com/pennet)
Second and third that I'll be posting is for Shenanigans4321 (https://www.deviantart.com/shenanigans4321) who wanted a Clint x Reader and a pic for the Avengers
Fourth is going to be about Loki, Tom Hiddleston, and Taylor Swift which
© 2014 - 2024 Girl-in-Shades
Comments10
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I'm no gonna write this long paragraph about my experiences in the area or something like that - those are fine, I guess: I would probably end up writing one too if I had any experience (which I do) or if I wanted to and/or thought you'd appreciate it.
All I'm going to say is this:
Your stories are amazing.
You are loved.
And if you feel like you need to whine, whine, and if you feel like you need to cry, cry. Don't bottle it. Even if you're ranting to nobody in a room that's deserted except for you, that's fine.
You're perfect just as you are.
You are you.
I am me.
They are themselves (and if they denied you a job then they're a poop face and a weenie butt).
All I'm going to say is this:
Your stories are amazing.
You are loved.
And if you feel like you need to whine, whine, and if you feel like you need to cry, cry. Don't bottle it. Even if you're ranting to nobody in a room that's deserted except for you, that's fine.
You're perfect just as you are.
You are you.
I am me.
They are themselves (and if they denied you a job then they're a poop face and a weenie butt).