I've had a lot on my mind lately since I've had time to think. Ever since I broke up with my now ex-boyfriend, I've been scared.
What if I can't find anyone to actually love me? What if the only time someone wants to be with me is because they want something? What if I'm meant to be a lone for the rest of my life?
Every day these questions have bothered me, they're like the plague that can't be cured.
My mind does nothing but keep me in despair as I slowly go mad with these thoughts. All of my reading of fanfiction and books no longer help me in giving me hope. All I get from them now is how my life will never get a happy ending.
I'm scared of dying alone, scared of staying in the same crap place for the rest of my miserable life, scared of never getting anywhere with my 'supposed' talent, scared of working in Walmart until I have to retire.
I'm scared that I'm a disappointment to my family.
I remember gram always saying I was special and, even though most kids are told that, for the longest time I actually believed it. Now I know it wasn't true. Now I know I'm a nobody with a stupid dream that is meant to die young because I can't stand the thought of livig a long time.
This isn't a suicide note... this is my wish because I don't think I can bare living for long.
And I know many of you will send me a comment or something saying I have you to talk to if I need it, but honestly, I can't. I know you won't understand and even if you did, nothing you can say will console me.
I'm alone in a vast wasteland of doubt, sorrow, and despair; someplace I don't think even God can find me right now.